Cooper Anderson: Teabagging You Assholes.

So, if no one happened to catch CNN or MSNBC on tax day, you missed a lot of sly, golden teabag innuendo in reference to the "tea party" protests occuring.

I thought it was isolated, and that no one actually would catch on to this silliness. Of course, Fox News has just enough frat daddies on their side to be stoned enough to realize all of these wonderful gems. Because, you know Fox has to ruin a beautiful thing and turn it into something mean-hearted and ugly... Unlike their own Bill O'Reilly - who has always been ugly and mean-hearted.

Cooper Anderson definitely had a shining moment:
"'It's hard to talk when you're teabagging,' Cooper said. Gergen laughed, but Cooper kept a straight face. "

But, of course, protesters got pissed that there was some fun being had over the occasion, and Fox was more than happy to allow this to jab at CNN and MSNBC.

Fox News saying that pretty much ANYONE else doesn't really care about what the people think, or need, is like the KKK saying that Mother Teresa hated black people.

People are fucking stupid. If it's your job to tell the news on a national scale, and you slip in some dirty jokes (or over 50), then THAT is a fucking form of protest. So what if some people stood around in the streets with signs to protest the taxes. Whose boat are they rocking?? (Boston Tea Party referece, HAIIII.)

Throw a brick, pussies. No one changed anything with poster boards, sharpies, and sticks.
Here's the article.

Fucked Up

People get fucked up, then get fucked up.


Alcohol Was Involved: A 19-year-old University of Colorado student required emergency assistance in March after spending all evening badgering fellow party-goers to hit him in the face. Finally, at 2 a.m., someone complied, resulting in a broken nose and massive bleeding. [Colorado Daily (Boulder), 3-18-09]

A National City Bank in downtown Pittsburgh was broken into on March 7, inadvertently, when an intoxicated man accidentally tripped and crashed through the front window (narrowly avoiding decapitation). [WPXI-TV (Pittsburgh), 3-7-09]

According to sheriff's reports, a man reported to Huntsville (Ala.) Hospital on Feb. 18 after having passed out drunk with an ex-girlfriend and waking up with a sewing needle in his urethra. [The News Courier (Athens, Ala.), 2-21-09]

I really hope the needle in the man's urethra was actually planned out to inform the man that he, in fact, has a needle dick.

In The Media

Joaquin Phoenix:

ATTENTION WHORE


Your name's JOAQUIN, dude. We get it. You're different. Congratualtions.

"After 6 years, U.S. 'a little sick of' Iraq" (or) CNN: Stating the Fucking Obvious.

(Sometimes I gotta get on some real shit, y'all.)

It, somehow, absolutely astounds me that people still aren't aware of where the mass majority of the U.S.'s doll-hairs (dollars, for the fucking stupid) have been going - leaving most of its population in a financial fucktastrophe - and causing me to look into selling my plasma/participating in clinical studies for... Someone told me you can sell a testicle for 10,000.... Do I really need 2?

"With the economic crisis nearly dominating the 24-hour news cycle, a sense of fatigue over the war in Iraq has begun to settle in with the American public, as its sixth anniversary nears. [...] Around $700 billion, according to the Congressional Budget Office, has been appropriated from the 2003-2009 fiscal years. The figure, taking into account operations for 2010 FY, puts the price tag around $800 billion."
(This article is pretty long, and has some facts and numbers, but for the most part, it's things I already knew. You can read it here though, if you've lived under a rock the past 6 years...)

I don't hate America. I don't hate the soldiers. Shit's just fucked up.
Out of all of the witty things I could say, I feel that The Onion (an OBVIOUSLY real and respected news network...) really sum it all up with this "In The Know." If you don't catch what they're doing there, you're probably one of the people that got some "facts" and "statistics" from their website on Obama and McCain right before the election, and posted them in myspace bulletins. That gave me a huge laugh, though. Thanks, shitheads.


Indeed.

The Gif That Keeps On Giving

No, that's not a typographical error. I'm just that clever.


I don't know. I don't know the back story. I don't want to know.
I just know I just laughed my dick off.

(Yahoo) Answering the Age-Old Question: "Why does steam come out of my vagina?"

Um. I don't know what to say.
On Yahoo answers, an alleged woman asked:

"Why does steam come out of my vagina????!?

ok, so i know this is really gross, but sometimes when i sit down on the toilet it looks like steam is coming out of my vagina. am i gonna die or do i have like this crazy weird disease? i;ve been searching the internet and i cant find anything. can someone explain this to me.?!?!?"

Whether this is just some hoax, or some woman is shooting out steam like an Asian restaurant kitchen, it's stupid.
BUT, it's stupid-funny.

The answers are just as remarkable - such as:

"I think this means the pasta is done.

Source(s):

my vagina."

And, of course:

"Hi Emily,

I'm the manager of a local Starbucks here in Chicago and I'd love for you to send in an application for a barista position. We've been looking into developing new environmentally friendly techniques in order to steam our drinks. All transactions can be done under the table. Both literally and figuratively.

Good Luck.

Source(s):

www.starbucks.com"

I'm not making this up. You can read it here

Popeye Would Have Been A Lot Funnier If...

Okay. This is good. This is really good.

"Police with the New Mexico Motor Transportation Division found 1,200 pounds of pot packed in cans labeled as spinach [...]"

(article)

I hope anyone else finds this as humorous as I do - mainly because of how absolutely fucking ridiculous it is.

At least the kids are getting their greens...Okay, I'm done.